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US Gold Reserves Stolen from Ft. Knox

Armed terrorists descended on Ft. Knox earlier this afternoon and got away with the US gold reserves, as Germany and Texas cried foul.  Apparently a bunch of that gold in Ft. Knox was theirs.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney spoke on the theft at a White House news briefing.  Carney said, “The Germans and the goddamn Texans will just have to get their money back from the terrorists who stole it.”  

He then identified the culprits as being fifteen white supremacists who were speaking Iranian and wearing North Korean combat uniforms.

Update: Obama announces a no-fly zone over Syria and Kentucky.  I know what you are asking.  Why Syria?  Well, why Iraq?

Update: CIA Director, John Brennan, orders assassinations by drone to be carried out in Ohio in retaliation for Amish support of terrorism by wearing beards.

Update: Gold reserves found, apparently abandoned by the terrorists.

Update: Ben Bernanke denies that recovered bars are not gold but rather tungsten bars painted with that cheap yellow paint you get at Wal-Mart.

Update: Tungsten and/or gold returned to Ft. Knox.  All’s well that ends well.

God bless the Republic, death to the international corporate mafia, we shall prevail.

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17 Responses to US Gold Reserves Stolen from Ft. Knox

  1. Kulafarmer says:

    Henry,
    Ya know, its the damnedest thing, some guys wearing masks cleaned out my safe this morning too, took every last one of my guns, one guy was like a safe cracker or something, told me not to tell the cops if i wanted to live!
    Must have been the same terrorists!

  2. David Kidd says:

    The reptilians stole the gold and were last seen at the Los Angeles zoo posing as tourists. Wind chimes were left at the scene of the crime.

  3. Cathleen says:

    I thought Fort Knox was emptied out many years ago.

    . . .

  4. NC says:

    BAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA!!!

    Now that’s what I call GREAT CREATIVE WRITING SKILLS, Henry!

    You should write for the MSM. I hear they are looking for some good writers who can write just like this.

    This is what the world has come down to, people. There’s nothing left to tell in the news to try and get us to go to war with each other and so the MSM tries to use everything they can to connect something that is completely different from something else in order to manipulate and enforce their false propaganda.

    As I commented before on an earlier article, it’s like trying to connect Buddhism with the BAR Association. It seems like Henry pulled my point off nicely and took it to a whole new level. LOL!

    Good article, Henry! That’s my kinda writing style. Creative writing at its best.

  5. NC says:

    “He then identified the culprits as being fifteen white supremacists who were speaking Iranian and wearing North Korean combat uniforms.”

    Now THAT’s comedy! (and creative writing) lol

  6. oldvet says:

    Yup..it sure was…….back in the 30′s…remember Roosevelt?????? DUH!!!!

  7. diggerdan says:

    Heck guys, it was all fools gold. :)

  8. Smilardog says:

    Henry, this reporting you just did made more sense than the Sandy Hook reporting… Buahahahaha!!!!

  9. cheech says:

    just chugging along … surfing the usual news site updates … getting depresseder ‘n depresseder … maybe i should play minesweeper for a coupla hours ‘n clear my brain of the evil in the world …

    then i click to this … hee hee … instant laughter … slowly growing from the belly … deep and true … the best therapy for a tired saddened seeker of some truth in it all … thank you …

    he he he …

    i’m still laughing …

    he he …

    he …

  10. Inretrospect says:

    This story sounds as credible as any of the others we hear/read on the MSM. I would have thought that the only thing to be found at Fort Knox would be I.O.U. notes.

  11. # 1 NWO Hatr says:

    All of this has been confirmed by my inside source………..

    Dennis Rodman.

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